Passionate Instigator, Dynamic Problem Solver
November 8th, 2013 05:00:00 am
As one moves forward in life with drive, passion and commitment, truly looking to make themselves the best they can be, they will leave people behind. You must accept that in this day in age you are part of a minority. You will have family, friends, and even lovers you leave behind as you push forward.
Oftentimes, it's not actually because you walk away, but because they cannot support you in your growth. Your growth is a constant reminder to them of where they are stuck. Every risk, every chance, and every opportunity you take is salt in the wound for people who haven't, or won't. They need you to be whomever it is they decided you were, and as you change and evolve, they don't want to have to change, evolve, and reclassify you and the place you hold in their life.
Allow people to drop away, even if it happens because you have to set boundaries and insist they see, interact, and deal with who you are—not who you were.
That said, you also have to know who to hold onto for dear life. The ones who will support you but not enable you, challenge but not undermine you, and hold your hand while kicking your butt and keeping you real.
Support, Not Enable
A supportive person will honestly tell you what their thoughts are—whether or not they agree with you. They will allow setbacks and changes in direction—not excuses and quitting.
Challenge, Not Undermine
I tell my staff, mentees, clients, students, and friends “when you want my opinion, don't ask if you don't really want to know what I think.” I can be Papa Sneaky (something I learned from my Papa) and before I tell you what I think, I will play the devil's advocate. I'll challenge what you say or do to make you think with more clarity and depth, thereby revealing how committed you are (or if you should simply be committed). Only when this process is over will you really know what I think. I may ask questions you don't have the answers to, and I might give you answers—if I have them. You might be convinced that I am diametrically opposed to what you're saying, at which point I'll pull the rug out from underneath you and tell you how great I think it is—shoring or propping up your thoughts and arguments around it. But, if I truly disagree with you, that doesn't mean that I am right, or that you should give your power away at my opinions. Either way, at the end of the conversation, you'll leave encouraged, motivated, and ready to move forward in whatever direction works best for you. Make sure you have someone like me in your corner.
Hold Your Hand While Kicking Your Butt & Keeping You Real
You need a couple of people you trust. People that know you, that care about you, will grow with you, and won't let you settle for less than being your absolute best. People that—when you get lost in your head; stuck in your ego constructs; overly enamored with yourself, what you have done, and what other people are saying—will slap the shit right out of you, bring you back down to earth, remind you of who you are, and point out that the shit they slapped out of you does stink. And not only will you let them, but you will believe them, and be willing to thank them. If you do not have at least one of these individuals gracing your inner circle, it's almost guaranteed you will end up becoming someone you don't like on your journey to greatness.
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